Managing Stress and Relationships
It tends to be this time of year we take a long hard look at our life and consider how we can reach the mighty summit of happiness, our biggest quest. We’re done with pounding the streets in search of the the GRAIL goose fat or brandy butter. Don’t get me wrong, I was right there with you, but now I’m back on the road in search of that other elusive commodity - happiness! Quick mental note “Happiness is the journey – not the destination!”
Last year I saw an increase in clients experiencing relationship problems around finances and work politics and with all the talk of cut backs, difficult times, layoffs and performance bonus flying out of the window, it doesn’t take a fortune teller to predict next year will be similar. However, it demands certain visionary skills to recognise that professionally, SMART businesses will know talent retention is vital and personally SMART people will know making huge life changing decisions when under great stress it not a good idea.
I’ve worked with many clients who have said 2,3,4 years down the line “Did I let that relationship go too soon?” or “Could we have weathered the storm?” You see, the stress at work and dramas at home can really make us feel like we are going over the edge. With everyday problems such as financial pressures, sexual and emotional problems, complications of second marriages, issues of childcare or sickness we can see why often people decide to split up, or leave a job. When in truth these ‘big’ decisions like these should be saved for the times we feel in control and clear in our thinking.
So where to begin?
Life is changing; money is tight; the pressure feels greater; the arguments are more frequent and boy the stress is high! What can I do? Start by watching your thoughts. Often people who suffer from stress tell themselves "As soon as I finish this project, that piece of work or lose weight, get surgery, get a partner, have kids, get the kids to school, then I'll be able to relax and be happy. That is not true, what will happen is life will present you with a new set of challenges.
Also the big problem with this thinking is that you are always living for tomorrow and missing out on your life today. Life is all about change and how we respond to it, we can’t control most of the changes in life, but we can always control our response to change. To be really happy we have to let go of the ‘just around the corner’ mentality and start enjoying living our life now. Spend your energy focusing on what’s good in your life. Also ask yourself “AM I happy with my relationship with myself?” Get a little adventurous with your thinking, let yourself think you are amazing, wonderful, beautiuful, talented, sexy and resourceful…
NOW is the time to get positive, we all have an incredibly powerful mind and each of us can create a happier life if we would just stop bullying ourselves with negative thoughts! I know that sounds harsh, but let’s face it, if we took the time out to listen to our ‘self talk’ we probably wouldn’t like what we hear! Monitoring your thoughts will not only dramatically increase your ability to cope with the everyday stresses and anxieties that life throws at you, but more importantly you'll be able to handle the stresses you create for yourself!
Now is the time to laugh, hug and make love (if you are in an adult relationship) all great stress reducing activities which we tend to stop doing when we are stressed – just when we need them most! They all boosts the body’s immune system and reduces the amount of hormones, such as cortisol, that your body produces during stressful times as well producing the bodies natural ‘happy hormones’ such as serotonin.
A final thought. My neighbour has just taken in, two orphaned cats and describing them she said to me “They are beautiful, all they need is food and love, just like us all really!”
Be good to you…
Paula Pluck (Founder Smartfoundations) a company dedicated to managing your stress and improving your potential and happiness.
www.smartfoundations.co.uk or tel: 07880 561075
ednesday 4th November 2009 
